$240 Worth of Pudding

January 12, 2010   •   By   •   Comments 1

$240 worth of pudding

Exerpt from a Google chat between me and Brian earlier today:

Me: I just realized that I bought TWO cases of Chocolove.

Brian: wow.

Me: Yeah, I got emails from Amazon about what has shipped and what has not and now I see my mistake. I guess b/c I already had some in my cart from when I was on the desktop, so when I went to make the purchase on the laptop there was already chocolate in my cart and I didn’t realize it.

Brian: wow.

Me: sorry

Brian: i was wondering how you spent so much money.

Me: Well, now you know!

Brian: that should last us over a year.

Me: $60 of chocolate. Uh, yeah. Especially b/c I don’t eat much chocolate anymore

Brian: $200 of pudding

Me: huh?

Brian: sorry, make that $240 worth of pudding. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpuUemDBz-8

Me: sweet nothings! cook & chill!

Brian: that was MY youth. love that shit.

Me: oh man. now I understand you on a much deeper level

Brian: google “i wanna dip my balls in it” sometime.

2010 Resolution

January 11, 2010   •   By   •   Comments 1

Now that we’re a solid week into the new year I figured I’d better get my resolutions sorted out. Maybe some day I will be one of those bloggers who has their new year’s post, complete with previous-year-in-review and resolutions for the new year all ready to go on December 31st. Ha, whatever. I haven’t even done resolutions the past few years because, for the record, I am not a big fan of the idea. They generally turn out to be ridiculous lofty aspirations that are forgotten about by spring break anyway, and I think goal setting (and achieving!) should be a year-round activity.

That being said, this year I’ve decided to do resolutions because I am in the mood for goal setting! After an 18-month period that involved moving three times (twice over distances greater than 2,500 miles), getting pregnant, having a baby, and breaking my back I was just done. Tired, you know. Granted the moving and getting pregnant were definitely part of the plan, but going through all of those experiences in such quick succession did not leave me with the mental space or physical energy to live as consciously as I wanted to. But, Dylan will be seven months old this week and I’m ten weeks out from the back breakage, and I’m starting to get that itch again. That ambitious type-A only child itch to set some goals and achieve them! Yeah! I’m not one for letting the tides of life sway me, as y’all well know.

Without further ado, my new year’s resolution for 2010:

Be authentic, radiant, and fabulous.

Yep, that’s it. I initially started out with a little list of things that I wanted to accomplish this year and realized rather quickly that the list didn’t accurately represent what I was after in terms of self-improvement and transformation. I needed something bigger, grander, and all-encompassing. Now I know that a good goal is measurable, and I have not yet figured out how to measure this resolution, but it feels like a very accurate way to communicate the kind of change I want to see in myself this year. Let’s break it down:

Be Authentic. To me this means to be my authentic self. According to Merriam-Webster, one of the five definitions of authentic is “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character,” and I think that sums up my feelings exactly. Maybe you are one of those people who always behaves authentically in every situation. I generally do a pretty good job but could certainly do better. I’ve definitely let circumstances influence my choices more than they should have at various times in my life. (Example: working in a career I hate just for the money. So NOT authentic. For the record, my current job, stay-at-home-mom, rules and is very true to my personality, spirit, and character.) The gist of being authentic means to be my truest self at all times. The practical application, as far as I’m concerned, involves heeding my intuition and not sabotaging my gut instincts and true desires by being lazy or cowardly.

Be Radiant. This is just a fancy way of saying “look good,” which luckily I can accomplish simply by purchasing the correct beauty products. Ha! Just kidding! What this really means to me is to shine my light out into the world. To radiate my unique flavor of positive, uplifting, inspiring energy so that others may benefit. The practical application involves setting a good example in terms of my behavior, and being supportive of others rather than critical. That last part is what’s hard since I am very improvement-oriented by nature (that’s a nice way of saying I’m critical). A big part of sharing my positive energy involves giving other people the space to benefit from it in their own special way, and not trying to force a certain result. So I’ll be focusing on being a ray of sunshine for those around me and not getting caught up in the outcome.

Be Fabulous. Uh, does this one really need explaining? It means feather boas and glitter all the time, bitches! It also means having fun, making my own fun, making the best of things, laughing a lot, and being the best version of myself that I can be while forgiving myself for the many mistakes I will surely make. Technically the word fabulous means “of an incredible, astonishing, or exaggerated nature,” and I intend to have an incredible, astonishing, exaggeratedly awesome year. I want to look back on my year and be like “Day-am!” or “Wow!” I did it last year, so this one shouldn’t be too hard.

Google Voice: It's a Hoot!

January 4, 2010   •   By   •   Comments 1

Do you use Google Voice? The concept is very cool, especially the idea of emailing transcripts of voicemail messages, so you can get your voicemail secretly while you are in meetings or otherwise unable to listen to it. Unfortunately, the voicemail transcripts it provides are just ridiculous because Google’s speech to text technology is lacking. I have yet to see a transcript that actually makes sense.

Here is the transcript of a voicemail I left Brian last week:

Hey Babe, It’s me, it’s noon. I was calling because I’m gonna do a load of dark laundry tonight. I want to know if you want me to grab here turning stone Jean, Pierre, Lucky jeans and talk to him and or any other dark stuff that it’s going around, so just let me know. Thanks. Bye.

Brian forwarded the transcript to me with the following message:

Hey, can you tell Pierre that the dark stuff is going around again? Last time he got that he threw up in my shoes and they never smelled the same again.

xoxo,
B

Oh, I got myself a funny one alright! I almost lizzed when I read his email. Seriously. [Is there anyone else out there who sees the "xoxo, B" and thinks of Gossip Girl? Let's pretend Blair Waldorf sent me this email, which makes the whole thing even funnier.]

By the way, the voicemail message I left was actually about doing a load of dark laundry, but I don’t know anyone named Pierre. At least Google lets you provide feedback on the accuracy of the transcripts it creates, and I assume they are using this feedback to improve the speech to text technology that converts voicemails into transcripts. Inaccurate transcripts aside, Google Voice is a pretty amazing (free!) service that provides real world usefulness as well as comic relief. If you would like an invite to Google Voice just leave a comment on this post and I will hook you up!

Suckage to Usage Ratio

December 29, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 0

The team over at 37signals writes a pretty awesome blog. It is mostly tech-focused since they make web-based software, but I find that a lot of their topics have broader applications as well. Take today’s genius post about the suckage to usage ratio, for example. The basic idea is that when creating a product, it’s okay for some features of the product to suck if they are not the most important or frequently-used features. So often the pursuit of perfection, in software, in projects, in life, can get in the way of progress. As a recovering perfectionist, this concept really resonates with me. Focus on what really matters and don’t worry so much about the rest.

There is an eternal contest in my mind between the following aphorisms:
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.
The perfect is the enemy of the good.
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing half-assed.

Mostly I try to side with the last two in that list, lest I drive myself and everyone around me insane. I predict that the suckage to usage ratio will become another tool for me to use to combat the inertia that comes along with the pursuit of perfection. Focus on what really matters and don’t worry so much about the rest. Focus on what really matters and don’t worry so much about the rest. Focus on what really matters and don’t worry so much about the rest. Practice makes perfect, right?

Holiday Traditions

December 26, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 0

Joe Strummer guarding our Christmas tree
(That’s Joe Strummer watching over our 50′s kitsch Christmas tree)

I’ve always enjoyed my family’s holiday traditions, and now that I’m a mom I am getting pretty amped up about establishing our own unique traditions. When I think about holidays growing up, I think about eating pumpkin pie for breakfast on Thanksgiving (and sometimes on Christmas, too), watching The Nutcracker on PBS on Christmas Eve, and of course watching A Christmas Story on Christmas Day. This year, I did none of those things! And oddly, I didn’t miss them too much, I suppose because we are in Texas away from family and because so much of our focus right now is on just getting through the days with the whole new baby and broken back situation.

Ideally I’d like to continue most of my childhood holiday traditions as well as create new ones for our little family. Of course most of the possible traditions I’m thinking of involve food! Some ideas include:

  • Seven Fishes Christmas Eve Dinner
  • Board games on Christmas Eve
  • Driving around to look at holiday decorations before Christmas
  • New pajamas for the kids on Christmas Eve
  • Eating something other than turkey for Christmas dinner–maybe a beef roast or beef bourguignon
  • A special New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day meal. Or maybe I should just get to decide on the New Year’s Day meal every year since it’s my birthday!
  • New Year’s Day hike (I’ve actually done this several times when it’s been freakishly warm, but I’d like to institute it as an official tradition!)

I’d also like to get in the habit of making Christmas cookies each year. This is something I did a lot in my high school and college years, but stopped doing as I got older and more focused on healthy eating. I am still enamored with healthy eating, but I want to provide balance for my kids in terms of having some treats for special occasions. I mean, I grew up gorging myself on Halloween candy and Christmas cookies and I turned out okay! I like the idea of having “signature” cookies that I make each year, but I’m also given to experimentation in the kitchen so who knows. Some options I’m already considering for next year:

All that being said, the real purpose of this post isn’t to tell you about our traditions, it’s to find out what your traditions are. I love hearing about the special and unique things that people do around the holidays, things they look forward to and that really “make” the season. So spill ‘em! What are your favorite holiday traditions?

Boot Lust

December 22, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 2

I’ve always had a rough relationship with boots. I love them. I want them. I need them. Yet they rarely fit my narrow feet and skinny legs properly. I’ve also made some poor decisions regarding knee-high boots with very, very high heels that resulted in me feeling like boots in general were evil and uncomfortable. (Me, in heels? Happily? Um, no.) Over the past year I have finally started to figure out what works for me in terms of fit, comfort, and style. Unfortunately, the past year has also been a year of major cost-cutting due to our transition to a single income. But a girl can dream! Below is a selection of the boots I am currently lusting over.

Madewell Archive Flat Boot
Madewell Archive Flat Boot
I actually owned these boots for a couple of weeks in late summer, but I felt horrible guilt about spending the money (see aforementioned single income), so they went back to the store. I am hoping they’ll go on major sale after the holidays so I can justify purchasing them then. If I get them I will probably cut a couple of inches off the top so they hit at a more flattering height for my leg (as is, they hit right below my knee, and I prefer a shorter boot).

Fiorentini & Baker
Fiorentini & Baker Blink
These are hot, no? I’m really into practical boots that I can wear without worrying about getting them wet or scuffed. Since I am now a stay-at-home-mom, my fashion has to be functional in dirty environs such as the park or playground. A boot like this would stylize and add personality to my usual uniform of jeans and a tee but would also look fantastic with dresses or leggings (if you’re into that sort of thing, which I am not).

Sendra 2944 Motorcycle Boot
Sendra 2944 Motorcycle Boot
A slightly cheaper version of the Fiorentini & Baker motorcycle boots above. And the bonus is that these are available locally and they fit! I’ve found that many engineer or motorcycle boots are cut way too generously for my feet and legs. I stumbled upon these at Allens Boots in South Austin and it was instant love the second I tried them on. The leather on the shaft is extremely soft so they have a bit of sassy slouch when worn.

Justin Roper
Justin Roper
Thanks to the magic of eBay, a pair of these sturdy boots is now in my possession. I have wanted a pair of Justin Ropers for several years but maintained that I would only purchase them in a local store once we’d moved to Austin. However, when a pair popped up on eBay recently for $30 I couldn’t resist since the retail is over $100. Aside from a huge price break, another bonus of buying used is that they are already broken in! They are also made of this awesome leather that distresses really easily so they don’t look as dorky and shiny new as the photo above.

J. Crew Sienna Moccasin Bootie
J. Crew Sienna Moccasin Bootie
These are kind of a funny thing. I am not, and have never been, a fan of moccasins. Not in shoe form, not in boot form, and I don’t like fringe! Ever! Yet I find these booties strangely attractive. I think part of it is the lovely soft gray color, and I guess the other part of it is that they are a bit distinctive because the fringe runs vertically up the seams instead of in a ring around the top like you usually see with moccasins. I would leave the laces up the back tied loosely so I could just slip my feet in and out. I am picturing them worn with black skinny jeans, a cognac belt with a brass buckle, and a thin, slouchy off-white tee with a wide scoop neck. That would be some hot playground style, don’t you agree?

Candy Cane Kisses

December 21, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 3

Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses
photo via moonjuice

Our awesome nanny Tara recently brought over a bag of the most insidious candy I’ve ever encountered: Candy Cane Hershey’s Kisses. They are mint-flavored and have itty bitty bits of candy canes in them. Have you ever had them? I didn’t even know they existed until this year, which is a good thing, because that bag we got on Thursday? Yeah, it’s gone. I’ve been binging on those Kisses for four days and I still can’t say I even like them that much. But they are tricky little buggers and have an addictive quality that causes you to eat 10 of them in rapid succession and still want more.

The funny thing is that when Tara showed up with them I thanked her politely while thinking really snobby thoughts about Hershey’s chocolate and how it’s crappy and I don’t eat it. But of course I had to try one of these seasonal Kisses since they were a gift and I’d never had one. Oh man. These are not a quality treat but they are creamy and minty and the candy cane bits provide the perfect amount of subtle crunchiness. What else can I say? They’re dangerous, stay away unless you like to over-consume poor quality sugary foods that trick you into thinking they taste good.

It should be noted that I had to borrow a photo from flickr because there were no Candy Cane Kisses left in our house for me to photograph. I couldn’t risk buying another bag because they are evil insidious little bastards and I clearly do not have the self-control required to resist their siren song.

Gratitude & Happiness

November 18, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 1

I’ve spent a lot of time looking forward lately. In one sense it’s a great tool to help me stay positive amidst the daily struggle of dealing with my injury. Like, “Oh, in just a few months I’ll be able to…” and fill in the blank with any number of things that I can’t do now. Thinking this way gives me hope and reminds me that my situation is temporary. And then I feel very lucky and grateful.

The downside of all this looking forward is that it takes me away from the present moment and all of the joy I could experience now if I weren’t so focused on what’s next. Over the years I’ve read a lot about spirituality and pretty much every text I’ve studied espouses Living In The Moment. It’s the key to happiness, didn’t you know? I find the practice of Being Here Now exceedingly difficult. My mind is always cranking away, thinking about the past a bit but mostly planning and hoping and just generally focusing on the future. The optimist’s curse. I suppose it’s the pessimist’s, too, but I’m not much for worrying about everything that could go wrong.

In the aftermath of my injury, and now that the long slog of recovery has begun, it’s only natural for me to look ahead to what will undoubtedly be happier times, right? Well, yes and no. I started realizing that I was doing this and it made me think, are my current times not happy? Hmmm, no. They are happy, actually. Very, very happy. Will the future times be even better? Maybe, but who’s to say? In that context, it seems very silly to just toss away the happiness I could be feeling now by concentrating so hard on how much better everything will certainly be down the line.

All these years of trying to push my thoughts out of my head and just Be, with no success (literally, none–the harder I try the worse I fail, and if I don’t try at all I somehow fail even more spectacularly. Wrap your minds around that conundrum, spiritual gurus!), and now, suddenly, I’m enlightened. In the last two weeks, I have spent more time just existing in the present without thought to what’s next than in my whole life prior to breaking my back. I feel remarkably peaceful. It’s weird, and fantastic.

I believe a lot of my recent success with just being in the moment and appreciating it has to do with the very deep sense of gratitude I feel. Maybe you are like me and have spent a lot of your life knowing that you are fortunate and feeling like you should be more grateful and happier than you are, and wondering why it’s so damn hard. I have finally realized that intellectual gratitude is very different from actually feeling grateful. I am not sure whether it was the sudden realization that life can change in an instant (yes, I know this, you know this, we see evidence of it all the time in the paper and on the news, but for me it did take a near-brush with disaster to fully understand), or whether it was that combined with all of the emotions and responsibilities and perspectives that come with being a mother, but I feel so effortlessly thankful these days. Like, I don’t have to try, and that is the trick. I just am grateful, therefore it is easy in each moment to just feel happy.

Perhaps it sounds hokey, but I finally really do understand and believe that every instant is a new chance to choose happiness. I have long believed in our ability to choose our emotions much like we can choose our thoughts, but I’m a fiery one and that sort of conscious choice can be a challenge. In addition, I haven’t ever had much luck with trying to make myself feel one way or another. Sure, I’ve gotten better with practice, but until you really internalize this stuff it’s like putting on a mask and pretending to be someone else. I am not sure what the point of this post is. I don’t know that I have any real practical advice to help you get the place where I am, if you are not there yet. It requires a shift in perspective, and I think that while I was on the path (especially since Dylan was born), it would have taken me quite a while to arrive here had I not had my recent near-miss.

This is not to say that I am now perfect and never feel frustrated or sad, or never think about tomorrow or next week or next year. I still look ahead and feel hopeful because I expect better times. However, I’ve also managed recently to slow down enough to experience my life as it is happening, and it gives me such a positive and peaceful feeling. I encourage you to take a look around your life and notice the good things. I’m not necessarily talking about big things, they can be small, they can be anything. What are you thankful for right now at this very minute? Think about it, and feel happy.

My First Broken Bone

November 9, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 2

My first broken bone is a good excuse to get back into the blogging, no? I thought so, too. I believe many of you already know how it happened, but just in case here is the short version: I got charged by an out-of-control dog at the dog park, it knocked me into the air, I came down really hard, and now I have a compression fracture in my L-1 vertebra. And in case you are wondering, it sucks.

When this initially happened I had many thoughts in quick succession: Why did that dog charge me? I like dogs, dogs like me, why didn’t that dog like me? How embarrassing to get knocked over at the park. Man, this hurts. I need to get up now and walk it off. Okay, I can’t get up just yet, I’ll just roll over. Wow, this really hurts. Oh shit, we are probably going to have to go straight home and Cooper hasn’t even had a chance to play yet. Those people are asking me if I’m okay, am I okay? No, nope, I don’t think I’m okay. Man, this is really, really starting to hurt bad. Where’s Cooper? Someone get Cooper. Okay, the pain is getting worse, I can’t move. I need to call Brian. Someone needs to call an ambulance. Did someone get Cooper? Are his ears back or are they up? They’re back? Oh no. Ow. Ow. OW. OW.

At the ER they discovered that I had a compression fracture in my L-1, so I had to be transferred to another hospital, the trauma center, where the neurosurgeons are. I narrowly avoided having my clothes cut off me when I arrived at the trauma center (I was like, “Please! I like these pants and it’s so hard to find clothes that fit!”). I got a catheter (sucky, but not as sucky as it sounds). I spent one night in the 24-hr observation unit, and then I moved into the penthouse suite for another few nights. “Penthouse suite” is code for “a corner room up in the 9th floor neurology unit,” and I’m willing to bet it was the nicest hospital room I’ll ever see. I was happy to have my own room (all the rooms on that floor are private, wow!) and lots of windows. I couldn’t see anything out the windows except sky because I had to lay down in bed, but I was grateful for the light. The staff were very friendly. The food was horrible. Every time they brought me a meal I felt like someone was trying to kill me.

Brian brought Dylan to visit me everyday for a couple of hours, and it was heartbreaking. After being jacked up on fentanyl, hydromorphone (Dilaudid is the brand name, and this wonder drug that totally eliminated my appendicitis pain a few years ago just barely took the edge off my broken back pain. Breaking your back hurts worse than having appendicitis, just FYI), and morphine I couldn’t breastfeed Dylan. It was so, so sad to see my beautiful baby get hungry and then watch him drink a bottle instead of cuddling up in my arms to nurse. Being separated from Dylan was by far the worst part of the hospital stay. I cried every day when they left, it was just so sad to see them walk out and know that I had to spend another night alone in the hospital, apart from my baby.

While this whole situation generally just sucks in a million ways, I have tried my hardest to stay positive. Here are some of the silver lining thoughts I’ve been cycling through my brain in an effort to prevent lots of feeling sorry for myself: Although it is going to take a long time, I will most likely make a full recovery. It’s a good thing I wasn’t holding Dylan when I got run down. Thank God it was me and not Cooper who got hurt. It’s good that Brian had this opportunity to bond with Dylan (seriously, those two are like, tight), because he wouldn’t have with me around; he is an even more amazing dad than before. I’m so lucky I didn’t have a spinal cord injury or head injury. I’m so lucky I have such wonderful friends and family who have called, emailed, sent flowers, and in the case of Brian’s mom and my dad, flown down here to help while we line up long-term assistance since my injury has left me unable to care for Dylan. I’d rather have a broken back and have so many great people in my life than be healthy and lonely and unloved. Also, thank God we are not in Seattle! Yes, I’d rather have a broken back in Austin than a healthy back in Seattle. Who knows, if we had stayed there I might’ve died from depression by now anyway!

So, I’m just trying to stay focused on the positive thoughts and the day-to-day of recovering. This means lots of nursing Dylan (still working on getting my milk supply back since it dropped while I was wasting away in the hospital, despite frequent pumping), eating right (and a lot!), taking lots of supplements to encourage the bone to rebuild, and of course following the doctor’s orders about wearing my back brace and restricting my movement and activity. Time seems to be passing very slowly now, it feels like I’ll never be out of the brace and strong enough to hold Dylan again, but I know that eventually I will. I am looking forward to the day when my body barely has a memory of this incident and I feel stronger and more vibrant than ever!

The Internet Has Come Alive

October 21, 2009   •   By   •   Comments 2

I was in Whole Foods a couple of days ago when familiar-looking girl walked up to the deli counter and stood next to me. It took a few seconds, but I realized that the reason she looked familiar was not because I knew her, no, it was because I read her blog. Woooo, Internet + real life = awkward moment? I stood there for a minute trying to decide whether to say something to her or not. It could be interpreted as stalkerish to be all like, “Hey, I read your blog!” but if my blog had a reader I’d certainly like to know, so I decided to introduce myself.

Me: Are you Catherine?
Her: Yes [looking surprised]
Me: I read your blog! [yes, I sounded like a dumbass blurting that out, but what can you do?]
Her: Oh, hi! [looking even more surprised]

This Catherine person is of course Catherine Hart, whose awesome blog about her journey to health and fitness is linked to over in the sidebar on the right. Catherine turned out to be perfectly nice and just as lovely in person as she comes across on her blog, and after a few minutes of chatting it up about CrossFit and healthy eating I really didn’t feel too awkward at all. Catherine does CrossFit at CrossFit Central, where I trained when I was pregnant (incidentally, this is how I even found her blog in the first place, since it was linked from CrossFit Central’s site). I let her know that I find her blog really motivating, inspiring, and educational, and I think that really made her feel good! She had apparently not even been sure she had many (any?) readers at all, a sentiment that I think most bloggers can identify with.

I realized at that moment that I should have written her an email or commented on her blog months ago to let her know that what she is producing is doing someone other than her some good. I think sometimes that people are too shy about complimenting other people on substantive things. It’s easy to say, “I like your haircut,” but much harder to say, “Reading your deeply personal narrative about your struggles with your weight and with changing your bad food habits has really been meaningful and inspiring to me.” Why is that? My guess is that it makes the person giving the compliment feel vulnerable and like they might somehow embarrass the person receiving the compliment. But that is just silly. Is there someone out there who is doing something that is meaningful to you? Have you told them so? If not, do it! And if it’s someone you’ve never met, who you only “know” online, whose blog you read when you have a spare minute, even better. Make the Internet come alive for yourself, and for the people whose content you’re consuming. I swear it will make you feel so good!

« Previous
Next »