I am finally learning how to relax. The sad truth is that I am just not wired to be good at relaxing, and by “good” I mean being able to really do it at all. Sure, get me on vacation, away from my usual routines, and I’m fine (for the most part), but on a day-to-day basis I struggle. There is always something I feel like I should be doing, progress I should be making, tasks I should be accomplishing. I am ruled by lists. I even have a “someday” to do list for the day when I miraculously finish everything on my regular to do list.
Pregnancy has been helpful for the relaxing, in that I was so sick and exhausted the first trimester that I didn’t have the energy to care about…well, anything really. And now that I’m nearing the end and my energy is dipping again, I’m feeling more laid back about things. Of course there are things that need to be done, and others that I simply want done, before the baby arrives, but I am finding it harder to stress out about them. I think part of this is the heavy realization that every day could be our last day without a baby in our house, so I’m a bit more choosy about how I spend my time and brainpower. This is a more positive variation of the “if you knew you were going to die tomorrow what would you do today” type of thinking.
Yesterday Brian took the whole day off work (he’s been working nonstop lately, trying to finish as much as possible before the baby arrives) and spent it with me. I think the combination of his company and my own realization that the baby could be here any day allowed me to actually relax. We took Cooper to Red Bud Isle for swimming in the morning, and I came home and took a nap. Who naps at 11:00 AM?! I am often tired around that time but never allow myself to lay down; well, yesterday I did and it was spectacular. After fidgeting around for a bit (I just cannot get comfortable these days) I fell asleep and stayed that way for an hour and a half. When I woke up Brian offered to make me some potatoes, which I allowed him to serve to me while I was still in bed. Crazy! That sort of “lazy” behavior is usually categorized as completely unacceptable as far as I’m concerned. After I ate we hit the pool for a while, and then came home and sat on our balcony with Cooper, eating and chatting and just enjoying the day and each other’s company. It felt so good, the whole time I was like, “Why don’t I do this more often? This is awesome!” I had been hoping to go to a free outdoor concert in the evening, but I was too tired so we sat around and ate guacamole and finished getting caught up on our “Friday Night Lights” viewing before turning in early. I think I am on to something, that is what weekends and evenings are supposed to be like. It’s kind of too bad that I’m finally figuring this out now, right before we’re going to have a baby and our lives will be completely turned upside down forever, but I’m too relaxed to get upset about that. Better late than never, right?