I’m 36 weeks pregnant today, which means that I am officially “due” in exactly four weeks. It also means that we are good to go with the homebirth (labor prior to 36 weeks means a hospital birth). I know the next four weeks are going to fly by so fast, and I alternately feel really excited and kind of freaked out. I am so excited (SO EXCITED) to meet my baby, but I also feel all !!!! about my list of things to finish up before he arrives. This is amplified by signs we had yesterday that the baby will probably come more like on time rather than late. We called our midwife, who said she was “impressed but not that impressed,” and also, “very good, the more work your body does before labor the less work you’ll need to do during labor.” She also reiterated that I need to eat like it’s my job. I’m doing better on the eating front, getting tons of protein, but still not enough calories. So, I hope my bun stays in the oven long enough for me to get absolutely as fat as possible. I did let him know that if he needs to come early, though, that he’s totally welcome to. While there are still a few items on our shopping list, we have almost all the essentials at this point. If I went into labor right now we would be okay in terms of our supplies (both for the baby and the birth), so that’s a good feeling.
Late pregnancy is a strange time. It’s hard to not constantly be looking forward, thinking about, and preparing for, what’s to come. But just as often, I catch myself really savoring how things are now. It’s so nice to just have our little family of three, I almost want to stretch it out a bit longer. I vacillate between feeling unbelievably eager for the birth of our baby and wanting to stop time right now so I can bask in the happiness of our current situation. I’m sure part of that is just the uncertainty. It’s easy to appreciate how awesome things are now, and I can’t really imagine what they’ll be like after our baby is born. Even though I really (REALLY) want to have a child and am very ready to be a parent, I still spend a lot of time wondering and daydreaming about what it will be like. I guess that’s pretty normal, though.
It may sound silly, but one of my biggest fears about having the baby is that Cooper will somehow feel less loved than he does now. Brian and I constantly talk about how we want Cooper’s life to continue to be as fabulous as possible even after we have a new baby to care for. I get weepy when I think about bringing a new person into our household who will get to go everywhere with us while Cooper will still have to stay home alone sometimes. It just breaks my heart. My Dad keeps reassuring me that the fact that Brian and I are so worried about Cooper’s quality of life post-baby means that it will continue to be awesome, but I still worry and get all emotional about it. The crazy extreme amout of love I have for that dog also concerns me because I know I will be even more crazy in love with our baby. Sometimes I feel like I might just spontaneously combust from the magnitude of all the love in my heart (and yes, I felt like that even before the pregnancy hormones kicked in). How will I ever deal with having all these people I love running around out there in the world where I can’t protect them? I just hope I can manage to remain a sane and reasonable person and not turn into a complete freak when I’m a parent. So far, I am way more laid-back in pregnancy than I’ve ever been before…let’s hope this trend continues once the baby is actually on the outside of my body!