Archive for May, 2009
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257 Days Pregnant

Date: May 20, 2009 • By • Comments 0

I weighed myself at my chiropractor’s office earlier this week, and there is a discrepancy between her scale and the midwife’s scale. At my last midwife visit two weeks ago, I weighed 123 lbs, and at the chiropractor two days ago, I weighed 129.5 lbs (for reference, I was roughly 103 lbs before becoming pregnant). Now, we know I didn’t gain 6.5 lbs in less than two weeks, but this means it’s possible that I’m not nearly as bad as off as we thought in terms of my overall weight gain. The lack of weight gain between my last two midwife visits is still an issue, but it might not be as big of an issue as we thought. I’ll be curious to see what Michele’s scale says at my check up tomorrow, especially since I’m more inclined to believe the chiropractor’s balance beam scale over Michele’s sleek little digital scale.

We’ve been having cool weather at night for the past three days or so, and I LOVE it. I am not the kind of person who runs hot, but pregnancy has turned me into a little furnace. I am hot all the time. I don’t bother to stuff a light sweater or scarf in my purse when I go out anymore. I keep the fans on high and the a/c set so low that Brian gets cold. I sit around with ice packs on neck and back, or take one with me to bed. I put ice in my water, which is something I’ve never done in my life. Yesterday I went through an entire tray of ice cubes! It’s weird. Sometimes I feel like I am a completely different person, not necessarily because I am pregnant, but because the experience of being myself often feels totally new in so many ways. Even though I’ve been pregnant for so long now that I’m used to it, I still have these moments when I feel like I am in someone else’s body, or like I am outside myself just observing and it’s like, who is that? ’cause that is not me.

Not much else to report on, pregnancy-wise. I’m doing my darndest to truck through my pre-baby to-do list and am making some progress, albeit more slowly than I’d like. I have more and more of those moments when I catch my reflection in the mirror and am like, DAMN, that is a seriously pregnant woman (yeah, I know I need to post some pictures). Mostly, I’m just really enjoying where I’m at right now. People ask me if I’m ready to go (or “pop,” which is for some reason a favorite word for many), and the answer is decidedly negative. If the babe wants to come now, that’s fine by me, but I’m not so miserable or anxious that I just can’t wait to get him on the outside of my body. Of course I am excited, but I’m happy with the way things are right now and am content to just keep taking things a day at a time.

HypnoBirthing: Meh.

Date: May 20, 2009 • By • Comments 3

We have our fourth HypnoBirthing class tonight, and I am dreading it. I hate that I’m dreading it, but what can I do? So far I’ve been pretty disappointed in the HypnoBirthing classes, though parts of the HypnoBirthing book have been useful (the drawings of the uterus are bomb, and I really like the way the book describes how the muscles of the uterus work during labor). In case you are wondering, my HypnoBirthing classes are focused entirely on hospital births, and are, in my opinion, targeted towards people who are pretty uneducated about birth. They therefore contain a lot of information that is completely not applicable to my situation.  I’m not planning on giving birth in a hospital, already know what I’ll want if for some reason I do get transferred to a hospital, and have already done extensive research on birth, perinatal psychology, and the psychology and physiology of pain. I’ve already seen enough birth videos to last me a lifetime and frankly the HypnoBirth videos freak me out (all the births are in hospitals and the mothers are always laying down – the thought of just laying there through my labor seems like torture to me). In short, I don’t like the class format or the class content. And the class always runs long, like 45 minutes long, which irks me because I am uncomfortable sitting there for that long and am so pissed by the time we get to the relaxation practice at the end that I just want to scream and run out of there.

The most useful thing I’ve learned from the class so far is that I already have some very effective ways to relax myself, and that I don’t need this class to help me do it. So, I guess that’s the real value of the class for me: even more confidence in myself and my ability to know what I need to do in labor to get through it. I am certain that practicing the visualizations that I already use to relax myself would be more effective than attending anymore HypnoBirthing classes, so we’re contemplating calling the instructors and telling them we’d like to opt out of classes 4 and 5. I can think of about a hundred other ways to spend my time that would be more gratifying and productive than sitting there listening to the instructors present a bunch of information I already know, watching irritating birth videos, and being forced to do some lame-ass relaxation that just doesn’t work for me.

(A funny side-note to this post: every time we leave HypnoBirthing class Brian says to me, “I feel so bad for those women that they are going to have their babies in the hospital!” Boy, have I really done a number on him!)

Health Insurance, Baby

Date: May 19, 2009 • By • Comments 0

I spent a large part of my day researching health insurance options for the baby, including federal assistance options like Medicaid and Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP). I now know what the federal poverty level is for a family of three ($18,310 before taxes, holy shit that’s low), and am guessing we will be above it in 2009 (holy shit, we’d better be). I never imagined I would be the kind of person who would apply for federal health insurance, but this just goes to show that you can’t make predictions about your life, and you can’t make assumptions about yourself or anyone else. I can just see myself now, going to apply for CHIP, carrying my Balenciaga handbag. That sounds crazy but is entirely plausible. Who’s to judge?

While our situation isn’t dire, it’s not great either. I make some money doing contract work for Design Commission, but I’m going to be taking time off after the birth, and while Brian’s freelance income is starting to pick up, it is completely unpredictable. It’s possible that in given month we may have way more income than the limit for qualifying for federal assistance, and then go several months without bringing in anything at all. I spent a long time on the phone with a CHIP representative today trying to explain this, and in the end she pretty much gave up on me and told me to take all of our income statements from this year to the local community-based organization that helps people with federal assistance. The real kicker here is that we can’t do this until the baby is born and has a social security number. So then I spent some time on the phone with the Social Security Administration finding out the fastest way to get a social security number for a newborn (answer: take the baby’s birth certificate to your local SSA office and apply in person). It still takes about 10 days to get the newborn’s social security card, though. Hopefully the CHIP application process is quick, because we only have 21 days once the baby’s born to get him insured (there’s some law that mandates newborn coverage by the mother’s insurance for the first 21 days, thank god). If CHIP doesn’t work out, we’ll pay for private insurance, which is not cheap but of course completely worth it since going without insurance is just straight up crazy. I wonder if we could fall into that space between qualifying for federal assistance and actually being able to comfortably afford private insurance…we could become part of the demographic you always hear about in the news! Anyway, I guess this is progress, since I now know what we need to do to get our little one insured, but it’s kind of frustrating that we have to wait until he is born to actually DO anything, especially since the time limits are so damn tight. Now it’s on to life and disability insurance for ourselves, which is something I actually can (and should) do something about pre-baby.

Four Weeks To Go…

Date: May 15, 2009 • By • Comments 0

I’m 36 weeks pregnant today, which means that I am officially “due” in exactly four weeks. It also means that we are good to go with the homebirth (labor prior to 36 weeks means a hospital birth). I know the next four weeks are going to fly by so fast, and I alternately feel really excited and kind of freaked out. I am so excited (SO EXCITED) to meet my baby, but I also feel all !!!! about my list of things to finish up before he arrives. This is amplified by signs we had yesterday that the baby will probably come more like on time rather than late. We called our midwife, who said she was “impressed but not that impressed,” and also, “very good, the more work your body does before labor the less work you’ll need to do during labor.” She also reiterated that I need to eat like it’s my job. I’m doing better on the eating front, getting tons of protein, but still not enough calories. So, I hope my bun stays in the oven long enough for me to get absolutely as fat as possible. I did let him know that if he needs to come early, though, that he’s totally welcome to. While there are still a few items on our shopping list, we have almost all the essentials at this point. If I went into labor right now we would be okay in terms of our supplies (both for the baby and the birth), so that’s a good feeling.

Late pregnancy is a strange time. It’s hard to not constantly be looking forward, thinking about, and preparing for, what’s to come. But just as often, I catch myself really savoring how things are now. It’s so nice to just have our little family of three, I almost want to stretch it out a bit longer. I vacillate between feeling unbelievably eager for the birth of our baby and wanting to stop time right now so I can bask in the happiness of our current situation. I’m sure part of that is just the uncertainty. It’s easy to appreciate how awesome things are now, and I can’t really imagine what they’ll be like after our baby is born. Even though I really (REALLY) want to have a child and am very ready to be a parent, I still spend a lot of time wondering and daydreaming about what it will be like. I guess that’s pretty normal, though.

It may sound silly, but one of my biggest fears about having the baby is that Cooper will somehow feel less loved than he does now. Brian and I constantly talk about how we want Cooper’s life to continue to be as fabulous as possible even after we have a new baby to care for. I get weepy when I think about bringing a new person into our household who will get to go everywhere with us while Cooper will still have to stay home alone sometimes. It just breaks my heart. My Dad keeps reassuring me that the fact that Brian and I are so worried about Cooper’s quality of life post-baby means that it will continue to be awesome, but I still worry and get all emotional about it. The crazy extreme amout of love I have for that dog also concerns me because I know I will be even more crazy in love with our baby. Sometimes I feel like I might just spontaneously combust from the magnitude of all the love in my heart (and yes, I felt like that even before the pregnancy hormones kicked in). How will I ever deal with having all these people I love running around out there in the world where I can’t protect them? I just hope I can manage to remain a sane and reasonable person and not turn into a complete freak when I’m a parent. So far, I am way more laid-back in pregnancy than I’ve ever been before…let’s hope this trend continues once the baby is actually on the outside of my body!

I Think We Are Ready For Kids

Date: May 13, 2009 • By • Comments 5

Our perfect little family on May 4, 2009 (photo courtesy of my Dad)

Last week I posted about how we are not ready for the baby yet. I meant it in a “having all the supplies and loose ends taken care of” kind of way (and we are making huge progress on that, thank god). Mentally and emotionally, we are ready, as evidenced by what went down this morning.

Me: [stepping out our front door, spotting a giant turd on our porch, and calling back inside to Brian] Did you see the giant turd on our porch this morning?

Brian: What?

Me: There’s a giant turd on our porch.

Brian: What? Oh, that. That’s not a turd. It’s a piece of wood Cooper picked up on our walk this morning.

Me. It’s a turd.

Brian: [now outside, looking at the turd] Nah, it’s wood. He picked it up on our walk and carried it for like 20 minutes.

Me: That is not wood. It’s poop!

Brian: [kicking the turd off the porch and watching as it bounces several times & leaves a series of little brown stains on the concrete] Oh, maybe it is poop.

Me: Yeah, that’s poop.

Brian: But he carried it home!

Me: I can’t believe you let him pick that up. It is obviously a turd.

Brian: Huh.

Me: Okay, well, I’m leaving now. Please go brush his teeth.

Brian: Yeah, okay.

[At this point Cooper had come to the front door to see what all the fuss was about and Brian was loving him up. Cooper then attempted to lick Brian's face/mouth (a usual occurrence in our house - those two make out all the time.)]

Brian: [jerking his face away from Cooper's] Ugghh! Guuugh!

Look at the grace with which we handled this situation! I didn’t freak out, and Brian didn’t deny that he let our dog pick up a turd and carry it home. We are so ready for whatever parenthood throws our way, right?

35 Weeks Pregnant and I'm…

Date: May 7, 2009 • By • Comments 4

Everyone seems to want to know one thing lately: Am I ready for the baby? The short answer is: NO.

I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and stressed because there is still so much to do before he arrives. My list of things that need doing:

  1. buy baby stuff (all we have are the carseat, stroller, and as of today, a dresser)
  2. upgrade our life insurance
  3. get disability insurance (in my mind, this will mean we never need it)
  4. set up a trust for our assets (our wills are outdated and a trust is a better option for us now)
  5. a million other things that would totally bore you if I listed them out

In addition to feeling like where will I ever find the time/energy to get on top of things in the next 5 weeks, I’m also feeling like a big (or possibly small, depending on how you look at it) failure because I only gained .7 pounds in the last two weeks. I forgot to chant “Gain weight! Gain weight!” to myself when I was eating and look what happened. I knew I was not consuming enough food, but I naively thought I was doing at least a little better in terms of caloric intake than I had previously. The increase in the size of my belly helped give me a false sense of security; it is so much larger than it was two weeks ago that I was sure I’d put on the 2 pounds Michele had ordered me to gain. Turns out my belly is bigger because the baby has packed on some serious weight (estimate is around 1.5 lbs for him over the past 2 weeks) and is still growing fabulously. That fact coupled with the fact that I basically didn’t gain anything is really bad news. Really bad news made worse by the discovery of ketones in my urine. I know you read this site because you want to know about my urine, so I’m going to tell you all about it. Ketones are a byproduct of the breakdown of fatty tissue. Ketones in the urine basically means that fatty tissue is being broken down in the body. In my case, it means that I am not taking in enough calories for both me and the baby, so he is breaking down my body to get what he needs. Thank god babies are efficient parasites, and that mine seems to be especially efficient, but man, this sucks.

I think it’s important to take a minute here to explain why this lack of weight gain is so bad, especially since we are conditioned to think that being thin, even in pregnancy, is like the greatest thing ever. Women need to store fat during pregnancy for two reasons: 1) to keep up their energy level, and 2) because they will really need it for breastfeeding. Caloric needs for breastfeeding women are even higher than for pregnant women (an extra 600 calories a day compared to 300 per day for preggies). It’s nearly impossible for most breastfeeding moms to get enough calories for two reasons: 1) that’s a lot of extra calories, and 2) they’re busy taking care of their new babies. This is why breastfeeding is directly related to losing the baby weight–the baby literally eats it away! Anyway, if a woman doesn’t store enough fat during pregnancy she will feel more tired both during pregnancy and after the baby’s born, and she may also run into problems with her milk supply. The body needs energy to produce milk, and those pregnancy fat stores are a great source of energy. If a breastfeeding mom isn’t taking in all the calories needed to sustain her and support milk production, her body can rely on fat stores to help out. Since we’ve already discussed how hard it is to actually consume the requisite amount of calories for breastfeeding, it’s easy to see how low fat stores can become a real problem for a breastfeeding mom.

But wait, it gets better! In addition to the overall lack of calories in my diet, a review of my diet records revealed that I don’t eat anywhere near as great as I thought I did. Too much fruit (Hello, sugar! Michele’s words were, “Girl, you are begging for a yeast infection.”), and nowhere near enough protein and fat. I hadn’t really looked at my diet records but when we went over them I was pretty horrified. I ate a lot better before I was pregnant than I do now. I can blame several things for this, including the heat (saps my energy so that eating well is just too much damn effort, also makes me only want to eat fruit or other cold/wet things like popsicles), general third trimester fatigue, pickiness, and rigid ideas about food and eating habits. To my detriment, I am one of those people who will often just not eat if the available foods either don’t match up with my appetite in that moment or don’t satisfy my requirements for what I feel I should be eating.

I’ve realized now that all the old rules don’t apply anymore. I think I’ve mentioned menu planning on this site before; we plan our lunches and dinners every week and then shop based on the meals we’re fixing. This is not a flawed strategy in itself, but my ideas about how the menu should be constructed are in need of major revision. I used to feel that we should alternate carnivorous days and vegetarian days for both variety and budgetary reasons. At this point, having 2-3 vegetarian days a week is just a dumb idea. I need the protein, fat, and calories that come from eating a lot of animal foods on a daily basis. Vegetarians may wish to argue this point. True, vegetables have protein. But the fact is, animal foods have more (a lot more), and are also a better source of fat and calories overall. And since I’m certainly in no danger of overloading on protein, fat, or calories, I think it makes sense to base my diet on the densest sources of these nutrients. Part of this strategy has been to throw my dairy restrictions out the window. I’m sensitive, so this means I now suffer with more congestion than when I wasn’t eating dairy products, but it’s worth it to get the protein, fat, and calories. Generally speaking, I used to try so hard to do everything “right” that I made things very difficult. I need to come to grips with the fact that cooking every single thing from scratch for every meal is not practical and does me more harm than good when I opt to just not eat or to eat something like an apple or a handful of tortilla chips instead of a more nutrient-dense food because of the work involved in preparing the nutrient-dense food.

All of this is to say: I need to step it up, big time. I could go on about the specifics, but really I just need to stop kidding myself and start making my diet my #1 priority. I’ve got 5 weeks until my due date, which is an estimate, I know, but I am really hoping to keep this bun in the oven at least that long so that I have a chance to gain as much weight as possible. My goal is 10 pounds over the next 5 weeks…

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